I like that I can get things done that I put my mind to. I am still a flawed individual that much I know. Yes there really is no connection between getting things done and being flawed. OR is there? I don’t want to assume just because I get things done that there is nothing else wrong with me or needs to be brought into the light to be examined.
There is definitely things in my life that still need that examination. I like to spend money, I like the pursuit of things, the feeling when purchasing something you want, but don’t need. Or the anticipation before meeting someone in hopes of there being chemistry and a connection. My mind goes into imaginative mode whenever that happens. I like that feeling. This is my stuff and it will always be with me ebbing and flowing depending upon my spiritual condition and willingness to surrender.
I do notice it comes on strong whenever there is something going on internally. An emotional upheaval or shaking of the psychological jar revealing some kind of layer of silt that needs to be cleared up. Or a peeling away another layer of metaphorical skin revealing a new vulnerable layer.
The thing is, I don’t know if this is even true or not. Because really all we have is now. If I look to the past or into the future, that is delusion. Now if something comes in up the present, that’s something different altogether.
I don’t know for certain anything whether or not there are layers, or jars to be shaken. Was this learned, taught or just a story I tell myself to give me a sense of security in an insecure world?
All I know is I don’t want to get mired in any of this stuff so that I can remain open and get it done.